Yes I like sex. No I don't like feces.

There were already 2 models and their manager staying at my house. It had been a balancing act but we all were getting along fine after a few days. Between listening and socializing with the models, to having time to watch TV and playing games, all was well.

It's 6:30 pm and I just arrived home from work. Sparked up a snappy and proceeded to enjoy the fine beverage known as Bud Light. I threw some bed sheets and blankets into the washer so they would be ready when the new girl arrived.

So our driver walks in rolling her luggage and I get introduced to her. She's an attractive blond with a great body, killer butt, and comes off as being very nice. The driver puts the luggage in her room, walks outside, and proceeds to call me as soon as he gets into his car.

I answer the phone "Yes?"
Driver "Hey I just wanted to let you know a couple things."
Me "Ok"
Driver "On the way up from the airport she told me she loves to drink everyday and she has been diagnosed as being a sex addict from her therapist."
Me (with a big ol grin on my face) "Thanks! I'll talk to you tomorrow."
I hang up and while still smiling turn to her and ask "Would you like you a beer?" and she responds "OMG yes!"

Even before she is half way done we both agree we should go and pick up some vodka. We head on down to the Green Jug and pick one up.

We get back and mix up a stiff one for each of us. We're enjoying our beverages and watching TV. We go out back to have a smoke. We're sitting there bullshitting and she is starring at my eyes and lips the whole time. I smile and lean just a little towards her and she comes in with her mouth open and eyes shut. It wasn't even light kissing, it was hot and heavy like we had been going at it for awhile (moaning included).

Our cups are empty and we are both hungry. What better than Hamburger Helper! We both go in and she is setting up a pan while I get the helper (how nice!). We start cooking and she says "I got it." but wants me to stay in there so she can grind her butt on me while cooking. So we get it going and then she turns to me and says "Let's go into my room so I can blow you real quick while this simmers." I'm already walking out of the kitchen towards her room before I think and have a chance to say "REALLY?"

So we go in, she drops to her knees, and proceeds to go off getting me off. I'd like to shake the hand of whoever invented face fucking. After she is done with dessert, we go and have dinner followed by a couple more drinks.

Now it's late, I'm pretty buzzed, and I have to get up for work tomorrow. So I start locking up the house and turning off lights. I head down the hall to my room and she has her bedroom door open. I look in and she is sitting there in bed looking at me. I say "Wanna make out?" and I get a "Hell ya!" So I head on in and show her how nice of a host I am. Afterwards I thought to myself "I HAVE to make hamburger helper more often!"

This type of stuff went on for a few days. I didn't mind... I mean it's sex and I was getting the best cardio workout available several times a day. She had never been in California before and really wanted to go out and have a night out on the town. Sounds harmless right? Nothing new to me... or so I thought.

My two buddies, the model, and myself decide to head out to The DragonFly. It was Sunday and that means the 80s cover band The Spazzmatics were playing. We knew the doorman and rolled on in. I tell the model to grab some drinks, that I have to use the bathroom and I will get the next round. I do my thing and come back out to see some guy chatting her up while she is waiting. I walk up behind her and check out the performance on stage for a little bit. After a minute I turn around wondering where my beverage is. I'm starting to notice that the guy talking to the model has a BIG guy in a suit behind him who is just staring at me. I ignore him and ask the model if she has ordered the drinks yet. She responds yes and then the big guy leans over to me with a tough guy look and asks "Can I help you with something bro?" I give a look that says WTF and say "No". He responds "Well you have been standing there for a few minutes." I come back with "Ya, I'm waiting for my drink with the woman I came here with." He steps back and says "Oh ok. I'm the bouncer for this guy. He's Blah Blah from Yada Yada on TV." I respond "Good for him." We get our drinks and we head out to the back patio while I was laughing to myself.... fuckin' Hollywood. I should have asked him what restaurant he waited at.

We're in the back area, on the upper rise, sitting on some benches enjoying our cocktails. We decide we want to smoke a little ganja (very common there). We spark up a bowl and next thing I know we have a bunch of people around us with their own pot. We all share and get extremely elevated. We had a great time. Drank some more and watched a couple of the shows on stage. Now it's time to leave. The place is about to turn the lights on and tell everyone to get the fuck out. Also, the model could barely stand at this point.

So I jump in the back with the model and let my sober buddy drive and my other friend sit shotty. Homegirl in the back with me was extremely wasted and put her head on my lap and started rubbing my leg. She was wearing a very short jean skirt so I thought Hey! let’s have some fun. I start playing with her a little. She lets out a moan and starts to give some love back but I quickly can tell she is passing out and I'm not into narcolepsy sex so I decide to stop.

I go to set my hand down behind her ass and it lands on something warm and squishy. I grab it between my fingers and pull it up to my face. What the hell is that I think to myself.... candy? I bring it closer to my face and take a whiff. Holy shiza! It's in fact a round ball of shit! WTF!?!? I chuck it out the window while on the freeway and I'm just disgusted. At this point I just want to get home so I can wash my hands and go to bed.

We stumble in and I help her to my room (where she had been staying). She stumbles onto the bed face down and I run to the bathroom. After I wash up I come back in and ask her if she needs to use the bathroom or wants some water. She starts doing a motion that I can only describe like a cat does when it's been trying to cough up a hairball for the past 5 minutes.

"All right get up! Let’s go to the bathroom."
No response
"C'mon I don't want you puking on my bed!"

No response and lays back down. She then starts the yack motion again and proceeds to start throwing up all over my bed. Not the normal kind where a big amount comes out followed by little amounts. Just several constant slow pours flowing onto my bed. The whole while her not even responding or making an effort to get up. She even lays her face down after she's done to go to sleep.

I grab her and practically carry her to the bathroom. I've got her setup leaning over the bowl. I run to my room, grab my sheets and put them in the wash. I come back and the bathroom door is now closed. I try the knob and it's locked. I say her name a couple of times with no response except for a slight groan. I try for a few minutes.... even raise my voice. Nothing. So I say fuck it and go to bed.

Next morning I wake up and notice the door to the bathroom is open and there is puke all over the floor. "Awesome!" I think to myself. That's what I like to wake up to. I walk outside a have a quick smoke. When I’m done I come in and sit on the couch. I hear my roommate talking to the model.

“I had to clean up your shit this morning.”
“My shit?
“Ya it was on the floor.”
“That wasn’t me.” then she walks into the other bathroom and gets into the shower.

He comes in and I ask him if he just cleaned up all the puke. “No” he says. “I went into the bathroom, sat down and noticed it smelled like shit. I look down and there was a loaf chilling on the ground in the puke.”

“What!” I exclaim. You literally cleaned up her shit?” He confirmed with a nod.

I walk into the room where the other models are staying and ask them if there night was normal. One of the models tells me she woke up in the middle of the night to find the drunk model standing in their room who promptly let out a “Hey girls!”. Followed by her climbing into bed with them.

So this model passed out and proceeded to vomit, defecate, and pass out. All in the same spot! Then stroll on in the other room and climb into bed with 2 other models. I am so glad she couldn’t find my room.

The next day I come home from work and no one was at the house. I call the model to see if she has seen or is with my roommate and she says she hasn’t seen him all day. She tells me she is with my buddy that drove to the club and that she will be back soon. Now this buddy of mine was suggesting to me from day 1 that we should get some coke and party with the girls. I told him no. I don’t want to get back into that shit again and I don’t want cracked out models running around the house when I’m trying to sleep. After that he would bring it up in front of everyone to see if he could entice them. I would give him a look that says “WTF did I tell you?”

So when I got home and got that info, I knew what was up. The model had loudly professed a couple times that she loved coke and my “buddy” knew this. I call the guy that I and my buddy have known since high school and confirm what I knew. He was left a voicemail that more or less said he wanted to come by and pick something up.

After that I go to use my bathroom. Open the door and step in with a squish. Are you fucking kidding me!?! The model is in so much denial that she didn’t do it, she won’t even clean up her own mess. Yes.. she showered in the other bathroom and apparently got ready in mine where all of her stuff was. All the while being careful not to step in her own vomit, then just leave it there for me or my roommate to clean up.

Four and half hours later she comes in and my buddy just takes off in his car, doesn’t even come in to say hi. Personally I could care less if she wanted to party but from a business stand point, tomorrow was the first day she was working for Wicked (big company). I sat her down. She played dumb like she didn’t even know they were trying to get coke. I asked her if she really wanted to do hardcore partying the day before her first big production shoot. She says no and makes a comment that I still haven’t F’ed her in the A yet and I should tonight. NO THANK YOU!!!!

A couple of days later she is out and about, getting ready to go to New York for a week or two for work. Before she leaves I get a text that more or less says “You need to keep your nose out of my business. You only care what I do. You never say anything to the other models.” Well fuck… none of the other models are out trying to do things that could fuck up income and or reputation for both of us.

Two weeks later she comes into the office after her NY trip. I tell her I got her message, that we got involved with each other, but everything will be business from now on. She says “Ok good.” Then I inform her that she will need to stay in the guest bedroom and not my room. Well she didn’t like that at all (gee what a hypocritical suprise!) and asked “Why?” I tell her that she is the one who wanted “things” all business and I got into other things like I’m a light sleeper and sometimes you don’t get into bed till 3. The fact that if she falls asleep on my chest I would wake up covered in drool 20 minutes later was not brought up. Girl can’t control any fluids in her body apparently.

After that, things were always weird or uncomfortable, take your pick. She wouldn’t make eye contact when saying hi and most conversations involved her saying one or two words. Two days later her manager calls me.

“So and so says she has to move out of the house”
“Really? Why? What’s up?”
“She says that you want her for a girlfriend and things have just gotten weird.”

There was a moment of silence, promptly followed by huge laughter from both of us.

“Really?” I say.
“Oh ya”

Since then we see and hear from her now and then at the office but she is getting more flakey with each passing week. This week alone she missed two appointments with us to send her out to interview with companies. This was after the previous week when she came in and requested we do this for her.

Oh ya I had mentioned earlier she was a sex addict. Girl has been going around F’ing everything under the sun. Picking up a STD here and a yeast infection there. Even blew several people on a set when she was there for an interview. Now she can’t even imagine why another director wants the same thing before he hires her. When she came into the office and told us for the 3rd time she had something wrong “down there”, we asked her what is the problem? She just laughed and said “To much fucking.”

It really is scary too because 2 out of the times she had something that the porn industry tests for. I mean you are working everyday for shoots, sometimes multiple shoots in one day and you still have the need to go out and fuck randoms? Everyone thinks dating or seeing a nympho or sex addict is great. I’m telling you it’s not. The problem is they will fuck anyone who is up for it and being a guy, I can tell you it’s not often when I can’t be put into the mood. BUT… a sex addict porn star? I think I got out of that debacle in the nick of time.